I was impressed by Julia Hawkes, Celebrant, even before I met her. She was authentic in the way she engaged online with others and spoke up in support of things that mattered. When I asked people in our profession who they respected, her name was mentioned often. And when I met her in person, I was delighted to find her as approachable, warm and sincere as I had hoped. She’s a constant inspiration and I was thrilled when she agreed to give me this interview.
How long have you been an Independent Celebrant and what types of ceremony do you offer?
I trained as a Celebrant in 2018 completing the NOCN Level 3 Diploma in Funeral Celebrancy. And the Level 3 Diploma in Celebrancy: Naming and Couples. As an Independent Celebrant, I offer Funerals, Intergenerational Family Celebrations, Vow Renewals and Anniversary Ceremonies. And I specialise in Wedding Ceremonies in the Cotswolds.
You support Wedding Law Reform. I’d be interested to know what you’re hoping for from the current review that is taking place in the UK.
I am hoping that the recommendations of the Law Review are acted upon by Government. Although it seems increasingly likely that it will take a new Government to be in place before this happens! It would be good to see Celebrants given the authority to legally wed couples. But at the same time I am also wary! I don’t want it to become a case of ‘be careful what you wish for’!
If changes to the law do enable Celebrants to legally wed couples, I would hate to see them become bound by restrictions that prevent them from continuing to be as creative and unrestricted as they are currently. Sadly, I think it will be some years before reform is on the agenda. In the meantime Celebrants will continue to offer bespoke weddings ceremonies to couples who choose to place their ceremony at the heart of their wedding day.
You shared a post on Instagram recently that had a big impact on me. It said that you looked forward to a time when we stopped saying ‘gay wedding’ and just said ‘wedding’. Can you tell me about why this matters to you personally and as an Independent Celebrant.
I must begin by giving credit to Pink who is the artist I originally quoted in my post! She said “It’s not a gay wedding, it’s just a wedding……. It’s not a gay marriage, its just a marriage”
Personally, I long for a day when all couples are just couples! My wife and I have been together for 23 years. In that time, we have experienced being unable to wed, being able to only have a civil partnership. Being able to convert (which always makes me smile!) our civil partnership to a marriage and more recently having a glorious Celebrant led anniversary ceremony. We are just a couple! No different in how we feel about each other than any other loved up married couple! I am always angered by people being labelled negatively by their race, gender, sexuality, religion, ability or any other divisive means.
Professionally I am saddened to see websites still referring to gay marriage.
Or even worse same sex marriage. I simply don’t understand why there needs to be differentiation. Why is there a need to suggest that marriage is somehow different for different groups of people? My approach to all couples is the same. The care, consideration and kindness shown to couples when I am planning their weddings is the same for every couple I meet. Many couples I meet have complicated family dynamics, sensitivities to be aware of. Things they feel passionately about, things they wish to celebrate. Challenges they have overcome – these are not unique circumstances!
I think that sometimes separate web sections are introduced by well-meaning celebrants who wish to demonstrate their inclusivity. I would encourage them to rethink! Instead review the language and images used, the resources shared with couples. Consider all the couples who will be looking at your website and considering working with you! Just a word on inclusivity statements, or logos discreetly placed on websites that indicate inclusive practice. I personally like them. When you have experienced prejudice, they are just a simple and reassuring indicator that you are dealing with someone you can expect to be welcoming and inclusive.
What barriers do you think LGBTQ+ folk still encounter when planning a wedding or other significant ceremony in the UK?
The visual wedding world is very heteronormative and images are still predominantly of white, cis-gender, able bodied couples. I know from personal experience and from the couples I have worked with that wedding suppliers often make assumptions that couples will be a bride and groom. It becomes demoralising when you do not see yourself reflected in the wedding world and when you constantly have to correct people’s assumptions. Once you have experienced lack of inclusive practice it can make you wary and it can be hard to trust. I wish that all couples could experience the joy of an inclusive wedding world. As celebrants we owe it to our clients to continue our personal and professional development, read widely and consider our biases and privileges.
Have you seen change that makes you hopeful for your vision of marriage equality?
I do think things are changing. I think that younger generations are more open minded and inclusive. They expect organisations, institutions and people to be more inclusive and are not afraid to challenge those that are not.
Can you share five things about Julia, that will give us an idea of who you are and what you love?
I’m a true extrovert who thrives on the company of others. If there is ever a gap in my diary, I will fill it with someone! Nothing makes me happier than talking to people, anyone! but especially those with the wisdom and experience of age
I cherish my friendships and work hard to nurture and sustain them.
Reading is one of my great pleasures and I enjoy writing poetry
I enjoy theatre in all its guises.
One of my favourite quotes is by Martin Luther King
“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter “
What are you currently reading?
He/She/They: How We Talk About Gender and Why It Matters by Schuyler Bailar
And re-reading for the umpteenth time Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier
Favourite book and why?
My Sweet Charlie by David Westheimer. When I read this as a teenager the scales fell from my eyes and discovered for the very first time what the lived in experience of racism and prejudice might feel like. It had a profound impact on me. It is one of my most treasured books, sadly out of print now. A wonderful friend tracked down a second copy for me from an out-of-print specialist so that I have a lending copy!
What would you tell teenage Julia?
You don’t have to work so hard all the time to prove you are worthy ! You will flourish and thrive and achieve great things and be loved.
What do you love most about your role as a celebrant?
The people! In all their guises, with all their worries and fears, their joys and delights. People are my sustenance.
How to connect with Julia Hawkes Celebrant:
website
Facebook page
Her AOIC listing
Thank you to Julia Hawkes Celebrant for her time.