THis month I’m delighted to introduce you to Robert Graham who completed our Funeral Celebrant Training. It was a pleasure working with Robert and from our first conversation I felt a connection. Robert’s sincerity and empathy were clear instantly and I am sure he will be a steady and secure pair of hands for the families he works with.
What made you decide to become an Independent Celebrant
Robert Graham Celebrant
I guess it was a combination of things and events which brought me to the decision to decide to train as an independent celebrant. Firstly, following the loss of my wife who I’d cared for over a number of years, I realised I had more time on my hands and felt that I wanted to do something for myself that would be of use to the local community, yet at the same time rewarding. I certainly didn’t want to tie myself up with a new 9 to 5 job.
Secondly I had undertaken a number of funerals for family members over the years and setting aside the obvious emotional angst on these days, I found the creation of a fitting ceremony to be an enjoyable (if that is the right word) experience. To give a loved one the most fitting and apposite send-off is a hugely rewarding thing to do. Thirdly, without wishing to sound arrogant, I felt that I had the necessary skills to make a go of it – I’d always enjoyed public speaking, writing and even performing.
And lastly there is a crematorium conveniently situated a mile from where I live. So one day when trying to work out how to use my skills in a role which would fit the bill, I had a bit of a Eureka moment when I realised that I could potentially bring my experience to help families at what is usually the worst time of their lives.
What skills do you think you bring to the role?
Robert Graham Celebrant
In my long career in finance, I was very accustomed to writing reports and having to present these to board committees so public speaking is nothing which has ever really phased me. In fact I enjoy it. I also write for pleasure and enjoy constructing a well written piece of literature. I’m also a very organised person which is of paramount importance for the role. Having lost my wife of over 30 years, I’ve got first-hand knowledge of the grief and emotion that families go through – basically I’ve got the t-shirt – which allows me to be empathetic without being intrusive.
Having the right mix of skills is essential when you’re being trusted with something as important as a funeral service. You’ve got to become totally invested in providing the best possible service you can and this is something that I strive to achieve every time.
What have you found the greatest challenge as a new Funeral Celebrant?
Robert Graham Celebrant
I think without a shadow of a doubt the greatest challenge as a new funeral celebrant is establishing a network around you to ensure that you are known and get introductions. The local funeral directors clearly have their own people they’ve worked with for a number of years and it can be hard to break into what seems a bit like a clique. There are other ways of achieving this by promoting yourself locally – and word of mouth shouldn’t be underestimated here – but this does take time, so don’t expect a ready-made network to be handed to you on a plate. Lay the groundwork and over time rewards will come.
What is the most satisfying aspect, for you personally, of the work you do as a Celebrant ?
Robert Graham Celebrant
So much of the role that I do is satisfying – from meeting the family, learning about their loved one, helping them create a service which is truly fitting and unique/bespoke, often making suggestions they may not have considered and then taking on the responsibility from them on the day allowing to them to grieve, without having to concern themselves for running the event.
The most satisfying part, however, has to be when not only the family members but people who you have never met before come up to you afterwards and say ‘thank you that was a really lovely service’ – that’s a truly fantastic and rewarding feeling. And I feel genuinely privileged to have been involved.
What type of ceremony would you love to create – if there were no limits on time or budget?
Robert Graham Celebrant
That’s a tough one, especially without knowing the loved one involved. And I’m not that keen on the idea of an unlimited budget as it seems a bit tawdry. Timing is a different issue, however. With many crematoriums limiting services to thirty or even twenty minutes, I would prefer to see a trend to more people having a life celebration a few weeks after the funeral. My experience is that this can be a much more informal and joyous occasion when time isn’t limited. There’s more time for family and friends to contribute and taking place a few weeks after the funeral allows people time to grieve and plan.
It also allows the family to hold the event wherever they want – it could be in a hotel or at home in the garden. So as a celebrant, I’d have a real opportunity to develop a theme around the personality and interests of a loved one.
What top tip would you give to anyone exploring the idea of training as an Independent Celebrant?
Robert Graham Celebrant
Do some research! Is this really for you? There’s plenty of advice on the web and the Association of Independent Celebrants is a good place to start so you can assess whether you think you have the right skills. Chances are that if you have got this far, you probably have! Work out what type of training suits your needs. I found the one-to-one with Dinah to be perfect for me and I like to think that we hit it off straight away.
Can you share five things about Rob, the person – not the celebrant – tell us about you.
Robert Graham Celebrant
My family is so important to me – my two daughters, son-in-laws, grandkids and assorted dogs keep me busy. I provide a free 24/7 helpline to them!
I’m pretty affable I think, get on with people and have a quick sense of humour. My wife is no longer around to rein me in which can be a problem!
I enjoy being in the countryside – particularly fond of walking in the Lake District and Norfolk
I’ve written a play about grief which was performed at my local theatre last year. We are hoping to take it to a London Pub Theatre in 2025. I’m directing the Christmas play this year ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ based on the classic Frank Capra film. I Enjoy going to the theatre in London – have seen a dozen shows/plays in the last 12months.
Nothing better than a decent meal with good company and a fine wine.
You can contact Robert through the following links: