I’m delighted to share an interview with Ash Hayhurst (He/Him), author of the Queer Funeral Guide. I was inspired by Ash when I first read the guide and he generously agreed we could share it with our students as part of their resources. His commitment to change in our profession is inspirational and genuine. Ash works with GIRES (the Gender Identity Research and Education Society) developing and delivering their Being Ready project (more details in our interview). I am honoured that he found the time to share his thoughts with us.
Welcome, Ash and thank you for joining me on the Blog during PRIDE month in the UK.
Can you tell me about your connection to the Funeral industry?
Ash Hayhurst:
Hiya! Thanks so much for having me. I’ve been working in and around funerals since 2018. I vaguely remember my careers advisor at school suggesting I’d be good at working in either a vet surgery or a funeral home… neither of which appealed to me at the time! I went to Uni to study Music Composition, and later trained as a secondary school music teacher. I had a break from work due to a period of illness, and when I was ready to return I thought I’d take the opportunity to look at what I wanted to be doing, and remembered that career advice from long ago! I haven’t looked back since.
I first heard about you thanks to your excellent Queer Funeral Guide. What inspired you to write it?
Ash Hayhurst:
In 2019 I was invited to host an LGBTQ+ stall at Mortlake Crematorium’s Full Circle Festival, and I wanted to create a little information leaflet, but it snowballed a bit and turned into a 24-page booklet. Apparently I have a lot to say on the subject! I was a newbie Funeral Arranger, full of questions about how LGBTQ+ people could have their wishes respected if the people around them weren’t supportive, and I couldn’t find many resources that answered my questions. So I did my research and created ‘Making informed choices when planning a funeral – A guide for Queer people’
Can you tell us more about the guide and who it’s useful for?
Ash Hayhurst:
It’s a free resource and it’s for anyone who has ever wondered how they can make sure their LGBTQIA+ identity is respected after they die. Professionals might find it useful as well. It explores a range of topics: confidentiality, registering a death, affirming trans people on the death certificate, and dressing the person who has died, to name a few. There’s a list of resources and support organisations in the back, and a glossary of terms too.
As Independent Celebrants, how can we use our privilege to help create the change that still needs to take place for trans people, when it comes to planning for their funerals?
Ash Hayhurst:
The most important thing to do is educate yourselves on how the law operates in your country. If you’re in the UK, get familiar with the Equality Act and the Gender Recognition Act, and learn about how they apply to trans people. There is an alarming amount of misinformation in the media and a lot of anti-trans statements coming from the government, so the best thing you can do is increase your confidence about the laws that currently exist, and stand your ground if you’re challenged. If there’s one piece of information I’d love everyone to take away from this interview it’s that a trans person doesn’t need a Gender Recognition Certificate to have their identity affirmed when their death is registered.
I know that you’re also involved in delivering training and you’re the lead on the Being Ready project with GIRES, can you tell us about this and who it is for?
Ash Hayhurst:
The Being Ready Project was set up to address the needs of trans and gender diverse people in all stages of death, dying and bereavement. GIRES (the Gender Identity Research and Education Society) have partnered with Hospice UK and Marie Curie on this project, which is now in its final stages. We asked the community and professionals about their experiences in a survey in 2022, held community consultations in 2023 and delivered the training in 2024. The training sessions were incredible – we had a range of professions represented, from coroners to death doulas, social workers and palliative care staff. Angie Mclachlan created two bespoke The Ichabodies – death dummies™ and co-delivered the training with me. The pilot training scheme is complete and GIRES is bringing everything together in a final report, due out in December 2024. We’re also publishing a resource for the community in autumn 2024.
We’re encouraging our trainees and graduates to become stronger allies of the LGBTQIA+ community. Can you share some ideas on how they can do this?
Ash Hayhurst: Being an Ally is something you do, rather than something that you are. I’d love to see more people getting to know the LGBTQIA+ community and learning about some of the challenges we face, as well as the joy and celebration. Being a visible Ally isn’t always easy, but it is so important to stand up to injustice wherever you can. Even if it’s just reporting a post on social media, or counteracting someone’s homophobia by saying ‘I feel differently about that/I don’t agree/This is uncomfortable to listen to’. If you say nothing, it might look like you agree with them, but speaking up can make all the difference in the world to others sharing that space with you.
How can people find out more about the Queer Funeral Guide or connect with you?
Instagram @queerfuneralguide
GIRES Being Ready Project: www.gires.org.uk/gires-projects/being-ready/
Ash said: If there’s one piece of information I’d love everyone to take away from this interview it’s that a trans person doesn’t need a Gender Recognition Certificate to have their identity affirmed when their death is registered. So please, take the time NOW to follow these links and educate yourself on this.