As we approach the end of the year, every other post seems to be about what a fantastic year everyone’s had. They’re grateful for the new clients, the opportunities and the bonuses. And more annoyingly, they’re grateful for everything that didn’t go swimmingly, because they’ve learned important lessons. So what if this wasn’t your best year? How about if you didn’t achieve those goals, hit the targets, achieve fame and fortune (even on a first-rung-of-the-ladder scale)?
Start by being honest with yourself
Are you comparing your results to everyone else or to the targets you set for the year? Comparisson with others never leads to anything positive. We focus on the things they’ve done better than we have and use this to reinforce the negative messages we love to tell ourselves. If you’re seeing your year as a failure because someone else got a book deal, ask yourself if you had ‘get a book deal’ or even ‘write that book’ as one of your goals. If you’re actually jealous that they’ve achieved a big goal, it’s possible that you’re really noticing that you didn’t set yourself any.
We often avoid setting goals due to fear
If you wrote that book or launched that website, what might happen? Are you excited as you think of the possiblities or more anxious? Does the idea of really giving yourself every chance of success fill you with dread or make you feel like you’re ready for anything? It’s just as common to fear success as it is to fear failure, and I have to say I’ve learned more from my failures than any of my successes over the years.
Are you clear about what success would look like for you?
Success is not the same for all of us. We all appreciate and desire different things and the same is true for success. My definition of a successful business may be very different to yours. It’s worth writing your own definition of what success in 2025 would look like for you. I like to write this as though it has already happened; so imagine you’re writing a summary of your achievements for the year and it’s 31 December 2025. I would inlcude things like how many couples I’ve worked with and how much profit I have made, but these are not the really motivating or important measures for me.
Success for me is working three and a half days per week and saying ‘yes’ more often when my friends invite me for lunch. It’s having time to research areas for my personal and professional development without feeling I have to fill every hour with paying clients. And it’s about how happy I am, how much I enjoy my work and how much I love working with the clients who’ve been part of my year.
Can you really set goals that are touchy-feely?
Absolutely! I have always found the goals that connect with me on an emotional level are the ones I am likely to achieve. I’m not hugely motivated by money or targets, and am much more enthusiastic about goals that help me grow, learn new skills or travel to new places.
Allow this year to have been what it was
When we allow this year to simply be—without judgment—we create space for a healthier mindset going into the next. Not every year needs to be a milestone or a blockbuster. Sometimes, life’s quieter moments, the years of steady progress or unexpected detours, are the most valuable. These are the years where resilience is built, where we take stock, and where we recalibrate.
If you didn’t hit your targets this year, take a moment to reflect on what those targets truly meant to you. Were they aligned with your long-term vision, or were they things you thought you should aim for because of external pressures? Did you pivot in ways that weren’t planned but were ultimately necessary? Sometimes success isn’t visible in the short term—it’s in laying the groundwork for what comes next.
Embrace the lessons, but don’t romanticise them
Yes, challenges teach us, but not every tough experience needs to be neatly packaged into a silver lining. It’s okay to say, “This year was hard, and I didn’t enjoy parts of it.” It’s okay to feel frustration, disappointment, or even regret. What matters is how you carry those feelings forward. Acknowledging your struggles with honesty allows you to move through them, rather than bypassing them with forced positivity.
Ask yourself what you need next
Instead of trying to rewrite this year as something it wasn’t, focus on what you need going forward. Is it rest? A clearer plan? Better boundaries? Or maybe it’s permission to dream bigger, even if those dreams feel far away right now. Set goals that feel meaningful to you, not what you think others expect of you.
As you move into the new year, remember that life isn’t a race or a competition. The success stories you see around you are just that—stories. They’re a snapshot of someone else’s life, filtered and curated. Your journey is uniquely yours, and it’s okay if it doesn’t look like anyone else’s.
Be kind to yourself
Finally, give yourself credit. Even if this year didn’t unfold as you hoped, you’ve made it through. That’s no small feat. Celebrate the small wins, the lessons learned, and the resilience you’ve shown. You don’t need to have everything figured out right now. The end of the year is simply a moment in time, and tomorrow always brings the opportunity for a fresh start.
Dinah